Ruth Houston

Article Summary:

How an exchange of gifts can be a cheating husband's undoing.

Signs of Infidelity: How Gifts Can Expose an Affair

Lovers frequently give each other "love gifts" as an expression of their affection. This exchange of gifts can be a cheating husband's undoing. It can confirm a wife's suspicions and provide her with proof that her husband is having an affair.

If you've been plagued by the feeling that your husband may be having an affair, the gifts he gives or receives can help you confirm your suspicions. They can also provide you with tangible proof of his infidelity. Lovers frequently give each other gifts. But this could be a cheating husband's undoing. A wife who knows what to look for and where to look can usually find solid evidence of her husband's affair.

Gifts Cost Money
No self-respecting man would attempt to impress his lover with a cheap token of his affection. He'll spend whatever amount he deems necessary to buy her a decent gift. The more impressive the gift, the more money it will cost. And you can usually find evidence of his spending somewhere.

How to Find the Paper Trail
If your husband doesn't pay cash for his lover's gifts, he'll pay by check or use a credit card. Whatever method he chooses, there's a usually paper trail. Check the bank statements, if you have access to them. Have there been any suspicious withdrawals from your bank accounts? Are there any cancelled checks for large amounts made out to "cash"? Take a really close look at the time period shortly before or after Christmas or Valentine's Day.

Closely scrutinize each of your husband's ATM withdrawal slips. Are there any large, unexplained ATM withdrawals? Read the information on each ATM slip. Is there anything unusual about the time, place or amount of the withdrawals?

Pay close attention to his credit card bills. Especially those for the months of December, January and February when Christmas or Valentine's charges are likely to show up. Any unusual charges made at jewelry stores, women's specialty stores, or boutiques, florists, day spas, restaurants etc. could be evidence of gifts bought for his lover.

What about actual charge slips or store receipts? Men tend to be careless about these things. Check his wallet, his pockets, backpack, briefcase, desk or dresser drawers. If you find evidence of gift items you didn't personally receive, that should raise a red flag in your mind. If your husband didn't give these gifts to you, who did he give them to?

Heather's Story
While going through her husband's ATM slips, Heather noticed that all but one of his ATM withdrawals were made at the same bank. The suspicious one was made from an ATM machine located in a large shopping mall, and was dated February 12th - 2 days before Valentine's Day. Even more suspicious was the amount - which was nearly 5 times the amount of his usual withdrawals - far more than the cost of the flowers, box of chocolates and Valentine's Day card he gave Heather.

Rita's Story
While dressing for work, Rita's husband casually mentioned that today he was treating his secretary to lunch at a French restaurant for "Secretary's Day". Rita became suspicious when he came home from work 3 hours later than usual. While he was watching the 11 o'clock news that night, Rita quickly searched her husband's wallet and the pockets of the suit he wore to work that day for clues as to where he might have been. She was about to dismiss the receipt from the French restaurant when the time stamp on it caught her eye. It indicated that he had indeed eaten there - but for dinner, not for lunch. Now Rita knew why he was unreachable by phone at the office earlier that evening when she called to ask him to pick up orange juice on his way home from work.

Susan's Story
While checking her husband's pockets before dropping his clothes off at the cleaners, Susan found a jewelry store receipt for 2 pairs of earrings. When she asked her husband about it, he told her the receipt was for the earrings he'd given her for her birthday the previous week. Susan pointed out that the receipt was for 2 identical pairs of earrings. Caught off guard, he could not come up with an explanation for what he had done with the other pair.

Other Places to Look
Check various places in and around your home for hidden gifts - under the bed, in the back of a file cabinet or dresser drawer, on the floor at the back of the closet, or the back of a seldom-used shelf. Don't forget to search the car too. Look underneath the seats, in the trunk, in the glove compartment and in the tire well.

If you find a hidden gift, don't jump to conclusions unless it's obvious the gift is not for you (too large, too small, a color or style that he knows you wouldn't wear, or has another woman's name attached). Wait for a reasonable period of time. Then check the hiding place again. If the gift has disappeared and it wasn't given to you, then it's logical to assume that he gave it to someone else. Make it your business to find out who.

Beverley's Story
Beverley was ecstatic when she discovered a box containing a hand crafted, one of a kind gold bracelet that she'd been admiring for quite some time. But the box soon disappeared and Beverley never received the bracelet. A few weeks later, at her health club, Beverley noticed a woman wearing a bracelet identical to the one she'd seen in the box. After some discreet checking around, and finding several additional clues to corroborate her suspicions, Beverly found out that her husband and this woman were having an affair.

Laura's Story
Laura found a gift box containing a sexy satin negligee in the trunk of her husband's car. He tried to pass it off as a surprise gift he'd purchased for her but the gown was several sizes too small. He tried hard to convince Laura the salesclerk mistakenly put the wrong size in the box. But because Laura had already found other telltale signs of a possible affair, his excuses fell on deaf ears.

Other Telltale Signs
Warning bells should sound if your husband gives or receives any gift that's extremely personal nature. He shouldn't be buying clothing (especially lingerie) for any female other than you or a member of his family. Nor should he ever receive silk boxer shorts or any item of clothing other than a perhaps a tie or handkerchiefs from any woman other than yourself -- unless it's his mother or his sister. (And even then, you should check to make sure.)

Be equally suspicious if your husband gives or receives a disproportionately expensive gift to or from any woman who is supposedly a business associate or casual friend. In fact, any expensive gift your husband receives should be regarded with extreme suspicion. Especially if he claims to have purchased the item for himself, but can't produce the receipt.

Keisha's Story
Keisha became suspicious when her husband Jerome started wearing an expensive-looking gold ID bracelet. It appeared on his wrist shortly after his birthday and he wore it all the time. When she asked Jerome about it, he said he bought it for himself. But upon further questioning, Jerome couldn't recall the name of the store he'd supposedly bought the bracelet from. Keisha suggested they check the receipt, so he made a cursory search then claimed he must have thrown it away. One weekend while Jerome was painting the apartment, Keisha noticed he'd removed the ID bracelet. It didn't take her long to find it in the top drawer of his dresser. On the underside of the bracelet was an inscription that read "With all my love, Tanya."

Barbara's Story
Barbara called Stan at work. When Barbara and Stan's next door neighbor Judy moved to a new house, she gave a big housewarming party. While discussing what to give Judy as a housewarming gift, Stan suggested a CD player, and volunteered to pick up the gift. The night of the party, when Judy opened the gift, the CD player turned out to be a Bose sound system. Barbara immediately became suspicious. Especially since their sound system at home was only a Sharp. This led Barbara to search for additional telltale signs. She eventually found out Stan and Judy were having an affair.

Don't Be the Last One to Know
Lovers give each other gifts throughout the year. However you should be especially watchful around your husband's birthday, and Christmas and Valentine's Day. If you suspect your husband of cheating, gifts could provide the missing pieces of the infidelity puzzle. Especially if you've already found other telltale signs. It may be time to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband. If your marriage is in jeopardy, you don't want to be the last to know. Find out what's going on before it's too late.

Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, is an infidelity expert and writer/columnist whose lifestyle and relationship articles have appeared in magazines for the past 20 years. Her book, Is He Cheating on You? is the result of 9 years of in-depth research on infidelity that grew out of Ruth's personal experience as an infidelity victim. She is the nation's leading expert on detecting the warning signs of infidelity without the use of private investigators or surveillance equipment. Ruth has been a frequent guest on Good Day New York, TalkAmerica and other TV and radio talk shows nationwide. She also does individual infidelity consultations by e-mail or by phone. To sign up for her free infidelity newsletter or to learn more about infidelity or cheating husbands, visit www.IsHeCheating OnYou.com.

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