Building Bridges

Issue # 2 of 43 

David LeClaire
By: David LeClaire

Cyber-Sex Is Rampant - And Bringing Big Changes

Part 2: The World Of Virtual Reality Sex

In our debut issue, we briefly talked about cyber-sex, which is the equivalent of phone sex for "on-line lovers." Today we look further into this topic in order to illustrate how the computer is changing our society and to predict what the future may have in store for us. This article is in no way an endorsement of "cyber-sex" by the author or the good people at the Sideroad, but rather an exploration of the topic.

The computer, which was once viewed as primarily a business tool or to play occasional video games is becoming much, much more than that in our lives. We can buy cars, send e-mail to friends, research information about ailments we may have, or find groups of enthusiasts that share an interest in our favorite hobbies. And now the old computer has the ability to play a significant role in a vast number of people's sex lives as well, for better or for worse.

While you may not hear about it, an enormous number of people everywhere are very unhappy with their sex life. Regardless if they are single or married, changing their situation is not always easy. Given that patience is a rarity in our society, men and women are getting more and more used to immediate gratification. Many find it much easier to find a short-term fix or substitute for what is missing in their lives.

So, millions turn to the computer to fulfill their hunger for the intimacy, passion, or lust that is missing from their lives.

Since men tend to be more visually stimulated than the female gender, thousands of on-line porn sites have been created to give men more of what they crave. Most men would be embarrassed to be seen in an adult video store or buying sleazy magazines, but the web makes viewing porn inexpensive and private, and men are eating it up like never before in history.

Women on the other hand tend to be less interested in spending hours of time surfing for photos and instead develop more friendships with men on-line, which quite often can lead to a form of intimacy with them. This kind of communication and interaction is usually the part that is missing for many women in their own relationships. As they grow closer with their cyber friends, sometimes a little electronic flirtation leads to some pretty steamy discussions with a person that may even be on the other side of the globe.

While this seems as if it would all be no big deal and relatively harmless, I predict it is just the beginning of a new era in which the computer will become an increasingly significant part of millions of people's sex lives. Where will it lead us?

There will be those that will benefit from this as an economic opportunity. Those with the foresight and technological ability will make fortunes. And others that will become addicts. People will make less of an effort to learn how to find solutions to their problems and take the easy road, substituting fantasy and cyber sex.

In my opinion the computer is not a good replacement for real life, and the connection you establish with your partner is an important priority that should remain so. If you are not fulfilled in your relationship, you should take active steps to making the necessary changes. And if you are without a relationship altogether, you should pursue establishing one with someone, in person, rather than relying on fantasy.

Having said this, I also believe it's important to acknowledge the reality of how the usage of a computer for sexual fulfillment will eventually grow. This trend is alarming in the sense that I can see how the world of "virtual reality sex" is not really that far away. When that happens it will make today's usage of computer for sex laughable because of it's primitive simplicity. When we reach that crossroad, there will be no turning back. And people everywhere will be shaking their heads and muttering about sex in the "good old days," when it was just two people expressing their love through actual physical intimacy.

David LeClaire has spent much of his time teaching at community college and private school, and lead communications training for Fortune 500 companies. Now a popular and active Seattle area sommelier, this graduate of Central Michigan University led seminars for a wide variety of organizations. LeClaire is the author of "Bridges To A Passionate Partnership." He can be reached at

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Text © 1998, David LeClaire. Part of the original Sideroad.
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