TABLE OF CONTENTS / Click here for the printer friendly version

The SeamLess Life

Issue # 12 October 5, 1998

About the Author:

Sherry Lowry is a Austin-based business coach who works nationally and internationally with executives, manages, business owners other coaches, psychologists and therapists. She brings experience to her clients as a founder and developer of 7 businesses, including one non-profit organization, as a consultant and trainer, and professional mentor. Co-leading group telecalls (via regular telephone connection) and telegroup series is a speciality....with other field experts on corporate marketing, using public speaking as a marketing took, marketing with heart, and offers with Diane Menendez special teleclasses for mental health professionals transitioning as coaches. In 1996, Sherry founded and continues to host The Coaches’ Showcase, a free theme-based telegroup exchange with some of the industry’s most experienced coaches. Also useful is her online collection of The Lowry Notes - free to the public at her WWW site. She holds two traditional graduate degrees and has completed the Coach University curriculum. She is on the Board of International Coach Federation and is a member of Professional Coaches’ and Mentor’s Association and Texas Executive Women.

Contact info:
Sherry Lowry, MCC
Austin, Texas, USA
Ph: 512-527-0097
Web site:

Unearthing Your Touchstones

Touchstone: A fine-grained dark stone, used to test the fineness and purity of gold and silver by the streak left on the stone when rubbed; a test of the quality or genuineness of a thing.

The chemists and alchemists of the Middle Ages relied on their Touchstones. It was the only way they could tell real, pure gold from baser imposters or from Fool's Gold. The test was a final measure of the quality of the treasure in their hands.

We each need something similar when we're creating a new life path for ourselves, to let us know when what looks like gold really isn't. When we've been fooled or led astray by something that glimmers but, well, just isn't the real gold we're after. When you've created your Purpose, articulated your Mission, Vision and Values, you've got a great sense of where you eventually want to end up. You've created a destination for yourself, a path. Trouble is, you don't yet have "road signs" that let you know you're heading in the right direction. If you're like many people, you know more about what you don't want than what you do want.

That's where Touchstones come in.

Touchstones are the very specific, unique, and personal indicators that let you know you are "on path." That you're taking purposeful action and are living on Purpose.

They are the road signs along your path. Like the highway signs that tell you "Cincinnati 50 miles," or "Scenic View Ahead," they show up before you get to where you want to go. When you're afraid you're lost, or wondering if you're wandering, you look for these road signs as indicators that in fact you're heading in the right direction. You never confuse the road sign with the final destination, of course. But you're glad to see it. It tells you you're on course.

Here's the catch: there's no state highway department worker who can choose and place the right signs for you. You have to create them for yourself. Here's how:

1. Review your Purpose, Mission, Vision.

Read your statements aloud. Read them again, to yourself, slowly. Notice any images, words, or feelings which spontaneously surface. Just record them.

2. Ask yourself, "How will I know I'm on Path?"

Touchstones are observable, measurable indicators. You want to have "road signs" that you (and maybe even those around you) can observe. Ask yourself, "What would I see, hear, feel, notice that would be indicators that I'm on the right track?" Find someone who knows you well and understand your path. Ask them, "What would YOU see, hear, feel or notice that would let you know that I'm on the right track?"

About the Author:

Diane Menendez, Ph.D., is a business and personal success coach. She has been coaching since 1983 when she began the High Performance Coaching process as an internal staff coach at AT&T. Since 1988 she has coached more than 250 business executives in Fortune 100 companies and has provided leadership for company-wide efforts in executive and leadership development. Menendez’s special niche in executive coaching is providing support to leaders of rapidly changing industries who are committed to transforming their personal leadership styles. She has successfully also transferred her skills to work with entrepreneurs, other business owners, family owned business leadership, and non-profit executives and their organizations. She created Results-Focused Leadership Development, an intensive, creative and empowering process that influences and inspires client to fully develop their leadership potential while supporting their company’s mission and goals. Her passions are inspiring the success of family business members, entrepreneurs and therapists and other professionals in transition. Her www domain name,, is an expression of her belief that, "Our work can bring us joy as well as financial rewards." Yes, that’s what she means -- real joy, enough to make your heart dance.

Contact info: HeartDance, Cincinnati, Ohio USA, 513-474-1137 1-800-882-9383;

Web Site:

(Note: If you're familiar with the Quality movement, you've probably already noticed that what you're doing is a personal version of Benchmarking! When you Benchmark, you always look for what the Best are doing. In this case, your path is personal. So, you're the best source, with the best wisdom. Don't be tempted to grab Touchstones from others. It's easier, but it may get you off track.)

3. Convert the images, words, sounds, feelings into Touchstones.

When Diane was unearthing her Touchstones, a recurring image of a rose bed showed up. Her Purpose had nothing to do with gardening. So at first she disregarded it. What she realized later was this:

A blooming, thriving rose bed requires attention, time and care. Rose tenders are committed gardeners. They provide quality rose care--fertilizing, pruning, watering, snipping dead plants--almost daily. Otherwise, the roses don't thrive. Diane got it: If she planted and created just such a garden for herself, it would show her that she was indeed on track, committing her daily time and energy to creating beauty, being in the present. Most important, she's limiting the excessive time she used to spend on her career.

4. Find 3-4 Touchstones. Write them down. Use them to check whether you're "on track."

Your touchstones will be unique to you. You'll know you've found good ones when you get that sense of "Aha!" Like the light goes on for you. And when you have signs that are observable and measurable. Don't question your insights, by the way. You don't need to share your indicators with anyone else.

Here are some other examples:

  1. Sherry likes to be "on the edge," as she describes it. Pursuing things that are innovative, exciting, unusual. Sometimes, though, she gets stuck on an edge, and loses her balance. Goes off her path. One of her Touchstones is a set of actions: She knows she's on her path when she has scheduled herself for regular retreats every year, about once a month, at a local retreat house. This keeps her balanced and able to course-correct. She has enough variety. She ventures out as well as ventures in.
  2. Dick identified a path for himself that required him to be organized and disciplined. He realized that a Touchstone for him would be the absence of anger. But absence isn't measurable and observable. So, he realized that his Touchstone was a feeling: "I feel as if I am a vessel to be filled, open to others." Another Touchstone for him was his work team: "My office team, which I lead, works with ease and harmony."
  3. One of Marcia's Touchstones is "I am kind to myself." She notices how she is kind instead of critical to herself about times at work when she's less than perfect. She looks for times when she is kind instead of critical to others, too.
  4. Sherry has a Touchstone called "I'm Grounded." To get there, she uses a planned, quarterly travel trip as an organizing device. To travel well means that she needs to leave her house, business and pets in good care, and well organized. She puts a lot of effort into organizing for these trips. Her preparations actually provide a grounding opportunity for her: she cleans up incompletions, rechecks her systems and structures, and reconnects with people who support her home while she's away. She gets regrounded in all the systems that support her life.
5. Identify Your Touchstones through your Values.

One way to identify Touchstones is to write down an action that you can take to let yourself live through one of your five top values. If your value is Creativity, you could spend 30 minutes journaling each day. Or work through Julia Cameron's 12 week program, The Artist's Way. Take this action and check it through the lens of your Purpose, Vision, and Mission. Ask yourself, "how does this serve me to live out my Purpose?" When Dan did this, he discovered that his journal work and use of Cameron's "morning pages," made him less tense and more creative in the problem solving he did at work. So, he knew he was on track when he was writing in his journal every morning!

6. Set up a Touchstone monitoring process.

Keep your Touchstone list visible on your desk. Write them in your planner. (If you use a Franklin planner, write your touchstones on the Weekly Compass and slip it into your pagemarker, so you see it each day of the week.) Start your day by aligning your intentions: reread your purpose, vision, mission. Reread your Touchstones. Create the intention this day to live "on purpose," to be on your unique path.

7. Welcome the Unexpected.

Once you know the signs that you're on course, look for other, unexpected signs to appear. Look for other "road signs," other teachers. Look for the Jumping Mouse to appear.

Curious about the Jumping Mouse? See our Tip next week for what it means when Jumping Mouse starts to show up in your life! ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø

Coming Attractions!

Next week: another installment of Tips in Leading the Seamless Life™
The Jumping Mouse


October 19: back to the regular bi-weekly series
Lucky Issue #13!

E-Mail us with questions or suggestions.
Sherry can be reached at
Ph: 512-527-0097

Diane and Sherry's book, Discovering Your Best Self Through the Art of Coaching, can be ordered at

Back to the Top / Previous Issues

Text © Diane Menendez & Sherry Lowry, 1998, 1999. Part of the original Sideroad.
The new Sideroad is now receiving traffic at