More satisfaction comes when you take these steps for yourself.
1. SIT DOWN AND IDENTIFY YOUR PERSONAL 'GNATS' AND
List as many as you can right now. Most people's 'Gnats' and 'Sufferings' come in
the areas of Work, Family, Home/Environment, Community. Start with these. Or go back
to your Life Dimensions chart and list your 'Gnats' and 'Sufferings' for each dimension.
2. COUNT THE COST.
Anything you put up with has a cost to it. It may cost you time, inconvenience,
frustration. Or, the cost may be your own or others' disappointment. Or a loss of
well-being. Identify what each 'Gnat' and 'Suffering' is costing you. Ask yourself, is the
exchange worth it? Is putting up with this and bearing the cost really worth it? We
believe that most of the time the cost is too high. If you want a SeamLess
Life™, you can't afford to give up pieces of yourself in this way.
Some people get a lot of energy from putting up with things and
from suffering. They get energized by feeling like they're martyrs,
handling heavy loads, being "oppressed." Sometimes it even makes them feel heroic
to be handling a lot and to be miserable. There are much better ways to get
through life. But you won't find them until you stop putting energy into
the 'Gnats' and 'Sufferings' and make some space for other things.
3. DO SOMETHING ABOUT EACH 'GNAT' AND 'SUFFERING' IF THE COST
ISN'T WORTH IT TO YOU.
There are basically 4 ways you can 'Swat the Gnats' and 'Eliminate the
a. GET A STRATEGY--ELIMINATE THEM
Create a plan for eliminating each one completely. You can take care of it
yourself: That might mean spending Saturday cleaning up the garage.
Organize a garage sale and get rid of the excess. Set a realistic completion
date for your brochure and put it on your calendar. Or, delegate: You
might, for example, hire a graphic designer or a writer to complete your brochure.
b. SOME WILL DISAPPEAR BY THEMSELVES.
Once you decide not to have them in your life, some 'Gnats' and 'Sufferings' will just
naturally disappear. It's as if they realize their time is over. They just take care of
themselves without any effort on your part.
c. NEUTRALIZE THEM.
Compromise and find a solution that will work for now, and that will take the
emotional "charge" out of the situation. Recognize that you can't do
everything at once, so get real about your expectations. Establishing a
realistic date for completing your brochure, for example, will take the sting
out of it hanging over your head.
D. CONVERT THEM INTO LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES OR GRATITUDES.
Some things, like your 83-year-old mother who is in decline, may be unchangeable
facts in your life. What you can change is how YOU respond to them. Think of how long
your mother took care of you: She invested at least 16 years of her life in a nurturing,
protective and supportive relationship for your growth. Be grateful for the opportunity to
give something back. Be thankful for whatever time you have left with her. Arrange as
much support as you can for yourself, and acknowledge how much you have to
learn from the situation.
4. UPDATE YOUR LIST PERIODICALLY.
You'll want to revisit your list every 60 days. Add new items, and eliminate what
you've taken are of. Consider what dimension of your life most of the 'Gnats' and
'Sufferings' play out in. Most of us have a couple areas where they tend to collect in. If
you find they are mostly at work, for example, take action:
- - Don't let new ones accumulate or multiply there. One 'Gnat' attracts
others--soon you'll have a swarm.
- - Decide what the real costs are you for you. How long are you willing to
put up with this? Set a "termination date" for each of your 'Gnats' and
'Sufferings.' Put it on your calendar and become a Terminator of the things
you've been tolerating!
Debuting Friday, June 5:
Issue# 3 - Needs and Values
your 'Gnats' and 'Sufferings' are linked to how you meet your needs or live
through your values. Keep reading The SeamLess Life™ and find out how
yours are connected to the fabric of your life.
E-Mail us with questions or suggestions; Diane can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, and Sherry can be reached at email@example.com.
Diane and Sherry's book, Discovering Your Best Self Through the Art of Coaching, can be ordered at http://www.sherrylowry.com/book.htm.
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