Jeux sans frontieres
(Games Without Frontiers)
"Hans plays with Lotte, Lotte plays with Jane
Jane plays with Willi, Willi is happy again
Suki plays with Leo, Sacha plays with Britt
Adolf builts a bonfire, Enrico plays with it
Whistling tunes we hide in the dunes by the seaside
Whistling tunes we're kissing baboons in the jungle
It's a knockout
If looks could kill, they probably will
In games without frontiers, war without tears"
- quote from a song by Peter Gabriel
I'll be honest with you
folks, with all this UN-facing-down-Iraq-crap
in the past few weeks , I really haven't
given a whole lot of attention to the world
of sports recently. I tell you what, though,
this game of chicken in the world's biggest
sand box is getting pretty freakin' old.
I've got an idea: How about somebody with
some cojones actually doing something? They
keep threatening this, we keep threatening
that, it just seems like a never ending
cycle, a lot like basketball season.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe Billy Bob Clinton and the crackpot
in Baghdad can challenge each other to a
little friendly competition to settle things
(you knew this was coming, didn't you?).
Since they're surrounded by all that sand,
maybe they can see who can build the biggest
sand castle. If Clinton wins, Hussein has to
stop killing his own people in cold blood. If
Hussein wins, he gets to spread Anthrax in
Idaho. We can afford to lose a state full of
Maybe they can see who can chug the most
beer through an ordinary garden hose? If
Sadaam wins, he wins Hillary, or is that if
he loses. . . Hey, hey, pipe down. I'm just
trying to have some fun.
What if we got them to agree to a steel
cage match? We could dress them up in a cape
in elves slippers and have a Madness in the
Mideast three fall event! We could package it
on Pay Per View. Buy a case of Bud and a
couple of Domino's pizzas and you got
yourself an evening of fun for the entire
What if we paint a big bullseye in the
desert sand and have them fire scud missles
at them? Sort of an intercontinental lawn
darts kind of thing.
If you really look at, Iraq and the UN
(with the US leading the way) have been
locked in some kind of high stakes chess game
for years, but it's as if everytime the US
moves a pawn, they scream "check
mate," and then get up and leave. In the
eternal words of Yogi Berra, "It ain't
over 'til it's over."
However, you have to make damn sure it's
over. You can't leave after half-time
screaming "we win, we win," and
expect the opposition to recognize your
Maybe one day this cornball game will end.
It's really starting to get old.
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