A part of

Issue # 5 Thursday, Dec. 1, 1997

About the Author:

Charles Loyd McIntosh

In 1997 Charles Loyd McIntosh was a news writer for the Talledega Daily Home (www.dailyhome.com). He was a former reporter for The Western Star in Bessemer (a small city west of Birmingham), Alabama, and a former Sports Editor for the Clanton Advertiser. At the time he was writing for the Sideroad, Loyd was pursuing a Masters in English degree at the University of Montevallo, Alabama. An avid sports fan, soccer is Loyd's sport of choice, one he has been known to coach in the recent past.


"Games Without Frontiers"*

Jeux sans frontieres
(Games Without Frontiers)

"Hans plays with Lotte, Lotte plays with Jane
Jane plays with Willi, Willi is happy again
Suki plays with Leo, Sacha plays with Britt
Adolf builts a bonfire, Enrico plays with it

Whistling tunes we hide in the dunes by the seaside
Whistling tunes we're kissing baboons in the jungle
It's a knockout
If looks could kill, they probably will
In games without frontiers, war without tears"

- quote from a song by Peter Gabriel

I'll be honest with you folks, with all this UN-facing-down-Iraq-crap in the past few weeks , I really haven't given a whole lot of attention to the world of sports recently. I tell you what, though, this game of chicken in the world's biggest sand box is getting pretty freakin' old.

I've got an idea: How about somebody with some cojones actually doing something? They keep threatening this, we keep threatening that, it just seems like a never ending cycle, a lot like basketball season.

Maybe that's it.

Maybe Billy Bob Clinton and the crackpot in Baghdad can challenge each other to a little friendly competition to settle things (you knew this was coming, didn't you?).

Since they're surrounded by all that sand, maybe they can see who can build the biggest sand castle. If Clinton wins, Hussein has to stop killing his own people in cold blood. If Hussein wins, he gets to spread Anthrax in Idaho. We can afford to lose a state full of potatoes.

Maybe they can see who can chug the most beer through an ordinary garden hose? If Sadaam wins, he wins Hillary, or is that if he loses. . . Hey, hey, pipe down. I'm just trying to have some fun.

What if we got them to agree to a steel cage match? We could dress them up in a cape in elves slippers and have a Madness in the Mideast three fall event! We could package it on Pay Per View. Buy a case of Bud and a couple of Domino's pizzas and you got yourself an evening of fun for the entire family.

What if we paint a big bullseye in the desert sand and have them fire scud missles at them? Sort of an intercontinental lawn darts kind of thing.

If you really look at, Iraq and the UN (with the US leading the way) have been locked in some kind of high stakes chess game for years, but it's as if everytime the US moves a pawn, they scream "check mate," and then get up and leave. In the eternal words of Yogi Berra, "It ain't over 'til it's over."

However, you have to make damn sure it's over. You can't leave after half-time screaming "we win, we win," and expect the opposition to recognize your victory.

Maybe one day this cornball game will end. It's really starting to get old.

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Text copyright Charles Loyd MacIntosh, 1997 - '98. Part of the original Sideroad ezine.
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