Molly Gordon

Article Summary:

How to stop settling for less in your life.

How To Stop Settling For Less

Stop right now and make a list of the five things you’ve complained about most in the past week. If you can’t think of them immediately, ask a friend, family member or co-worker. Then take a good look at what you’ve written and ask yourself, "Why am I settling for this?"

You do get what you settle for. That can be good news, as in striking an honorable compromise around who takes out the garbage, how to split the rent, or who’s to take the lead in a presentation. Or it can be bad news, as in sad stories that begin with "I always have to" or "S/he never." What is certain, is that you virtually always have complicity in the very situations you find most aggravating. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

The first step in getting free from what you’ve been settling for is to see things as they are. Have a little rant on paper (and please, keep it to yourself) listing the people, institutions and situations that aggravate you. Keep it simple, this is not the time for a long story about what went wrong and whose fault it is.

Next, be clear about exactly how you are bothered.

  • Is your pride being hurt?
  • Are your ambitions being thwarted?
  • Is your livelihood at risk?
  • Are your relationships being threatened?
  • Specify the risk, loss or hurt you experience in each situation, again keeping it very simple.

Now, take a deep breath and ask yourself what you get out of leaving things just the way they are.

  • Are you avoiding change or conflict?
  • Are you biding your time until a more advantageous moment to take action?
  • Are you secretly enjoying yourself as you watch things fall apart due to someone else’s foolishness?
  • Are you benefiting from the status quo?
No matter what others are contributing to these situations, the fulcrum for changing things lies on your own side of the street. Get clear about your part in each of your frustrations.

Once you are crystal clear about what bothers you, why, and what role you play in it, you will feel an internal shift. In the wake of that shift you may see your way clear to new choices, or you may let things go with a new sense of ease and well being. Regardless, the outcome will be increased freedom and clarity.

Molly Gordon, MCC, is a leading figure in business and personal growth coaching, writer, workshop leader, frequent presenter at live and virtual events worldwide, and an acknowledged expert on niche marketing. Join 12,000 readers of her Authentic Promotion┬« ezine to learn how to grow your strong business while you feed your soul, and receive a free 31-page guide, “Principles of Authentic Promotion.”

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